10 Commandments of the 414 Kitchen:

1. WASH YOUR DISHES. If you use pots, pans, dishes, silverware, etc.

a. Don’t do a half-assed job and put it back up. Clean means it should look like new. No one wants to use dishes with little flakes of food shit on them.

b. If you put dirty dishes back in the cabinet, prepare for a swift kick right in the baby makers. No, seriously. You’re gonna get kicked in the balls. That’s just disgusting.

c. If you come home trashed and make some food, it’s okay to wash the dishes the next day, just make sure you do it. Otherwise… it’s your balls.

2. If you are going to leave for more than a day, WASH YOUR FUCKING DISHES. Other roommates shouldn’t have to do your job because you are leaving for a while.

3. Keep the stove/oven clean. If something boils over or you spill stuff, clean it. There is degreaser in the closet and soap on the counter. Use it.

4. Clean up your crumbs and spills. This includes the sink, don’t clog it up. Even if you spilled on the floor, clean it up, fucker. We don’t want bug problems, you messy asshole.

5. Clean up used napkins. No one wants to touch the herpes mouth germs and god knows what else you left behind on your napkin.

6. Don’t leave your belongings on the table for a long time. It’s messy clutter and it detracts from the over all look of the apartment.

7. Don’t leave the sponge in the sink. It’ll grow bacteria and smell like asshole. No one wants to use dishes that were washed with an asshole. Put the sponge next to the sink where it is free to dry.

8. Eating others food without explicit permission is unacceptable. We go grocery shopping at least once weekly, get your own shit. Food isn’t cheap. Don’t be that roommate that mooches off the other people.

9. If you use the plastic silverware from Robeson, you should help replenish the stock. Go to Quiznos and grab a handful of stuff, throw it in a bag, then empty it in a drawer. Not that hard.

10. If you break a rule, expect to be called out on it. We pride ourselves on keeping a clean room. Don’t take offense to it, pansy. Just follow the rules and you’ll still have the ability to have kids at the end of the year.