I've got two to share. While they're not disasters they put me in some really embarrassing situations.

Story 1:

It was the first week back to college after break. Given that nothing happens the first week, me and a group of friends decided to sit around in one of the dorm rooms and drink. In this group of friends was an exgirlfriend of 2 years that I had broken up with before the break.

Everyone in the room is drinking excessively, having a good time. Then one of our friends decides shes going to bed. Great. The ex and I decided that since the "party" was dead, we were gonna go talk about how us being friends is going to work. So we go back to my room and sit on the couch to talk.

Within 5 minutes we're both butt ass naked in my bed doing the deed. This was around 1 in the morning, mind you. So we're having some great make up sex... for about 3 hours. Around 4am someone BANGS on my door and starts screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP. ITS 4 IN THE FUCKING MORNING AND PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP." So we stop for about 15 minutes and go at it again for about another hour.

Next day a friend of ours comes up to us an asked the ex if she slept in my room last night. She said yes and asked why she was wondering. Apparently this friend was eating breakfast in the cafeteria and overheard a conversation between these two girls who lived three floors below me in the adjecent building. The conversation was something like this:

Girl 1: Do you know who a guy named <my name> that lives in Bonel 314?
Girl 2: No, why?
Girl 1: Because he kept me and my roommate up all night having some crazy loud pornstar sex.

Me and the ex just look at each other and grin, the friend who told us knew what was up. So it was a funny little inside joke between the three of us and that was the end of it. Or so I thought...

End of the semester rolls around. I had pulled an all-nighter studying for an exam and I go out side to smoke a cigarette around 7 in the morning. While I'm out there this girl walks up to me and asks me if she can bum a smoke. So I give her one and she sits and smokes with me. I kinda knew this girl through another friend, but never knew her name. So I ask what her name is, and she asks mine. I tell her. Then she says "Wait... <my name> that lives in Bonel 314?" As I admit to that being me, I'm thinking "Oh fuck, I know where this is going."

She says "Oh really? Well do you remember a night earlier in the semester when someone was banging on your door telling you to shut up because you were having really loud sex?" "Yeah" "Yeah, well that was me."

I then had to apologize explain that me and the girl were trashed and I forgot that my window was open. I would have never thought I'd apologize to someone for having "crazy loud pornstar sex."

It was a sexual disaster! (kinda)

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Story 2:

Last fall, my girlfriend invited me to a party at a very nice house that her friend was pet sitting at. This was going to be the first time I would drink with sister and friends (whom I'd met once before). Sounds like fun right? It was. It was a ton of fun... from what I remembered.

These girls introduced me to a drinking game called pitcher of death. I don't want or need to explain it, but its similar to kings in that if you get a king, you and your partner have to drink a pitcher of beer. The girlfriend and I got 3 of the 4 kings. Lets just say I forgot everything after that.

Turns out that the girlfriend and I wanted to get in the hot tub, so we put on our bathing suits and went out there. No one else wanted to come, they stayed inside playing drinking games. Apparently we decided to have sex in the hot tub. No big deal right?

Well, there's a slight problem there. This hot tub sits outside the living room that has huge bay windows... where everyone was playing drinking games. Eventually someone noticed that we were having sex. Being the drunk assholes they were, they didn't shout out the window "hey we can see you having sex." They watched. And made commentary ("Oh SHES ON TOP NOW!).

Eventually we went back inside and had more sex. At one point I had to take a piss. I decided it would be easier to just sit down on the toilet because I was wasted. So I down to pee and the next thing I know my girlfriend is banging on the door asking if I'm alright. I had fallen asleep on the toilet AND taken a shit, which I didn't intend to do. So we went back to the sex once I was out of the bathroom. Eventually we went to bed. That was until I woke up to go to the bathroom, tried to put on someone else's clothes and thought the closet was the bathroom.

So my girlfriend's friends and her sister saw me having sex and I passed out on the toilet in the middle of sex.

It was a sexual disaster!


I know that was long, but I like to write. Hope you enjoyed.
-Gumby